Sunday, May 9, 2010

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Beautiful because it’s Real: The Words of an Adult Video Clerk.

This is an interview (or oral history) I wrote for a nonfiction class. FYI: Some people found what this person divulged to be offensive.

I work at Scandalous, which is an adult entertainment establishment. I’ve worked there since late June of 2009; it’s now October of 2009, so just a few months. Mostly I needed a job. A girl who worked there left and she said they needed someone to fill the position. I said, ‘Well, I’ll apply.’ They filled the position before I applied and then they called me a year later. I hadn’t had a job so I said, ‘Yeah, I’ll take it.’ I have no embarrassment so that’s fine.

It has probably improved my love life. It’s a great conversation thing. Like you’re at the bar and you’re like, ‘I work at the porn store’ and they’re like, ‘Tell me all about it.’ We sell toys, movies, books, novelties, gag gifts, things like that. When you work for an eight-hour shift, you know, there’s nothing to do cuz you just sit there until you ring someone out, or help someone out with information. You read a lot of books, you know, read the sex tips. It’s like, ‘I didn’t know I could do that’. So it’s interesting. Some of this stuff is like ‘Ahh, I would never try that’, but some of it is real mellow. What we sell isn’t hardcore bondage or anything really, really dirty. It’s mostly a lot of marital aids, things like that, geared toward couples. So that’s helped.

G-spot stimulation, which I knew about, I think all guys know about the G-spot. I was reading a book about how to massage it correctly. They don’t know what the G-spot is, technically. They theorize that it is the base of the clitoris and that’s why some women don’t have a G-spot because the base of the clitoris is not set in the right spot. That came in extremely handy when a guy called and said he bought a toy that had been designed for G-spot stimulation but he didn’t know where it was. I had to explain it to him over the phone. So you know reading that stuff may help me, but it also helps with the customers. They ask me stuff like that or like what is the best way to start having anal sex? Well slow (chuckle). Just a lot of interesting things.

Like I said we’re geared towards couples and so we don’t get a lot of sleaze balls. The other store, Simply Pleaser on Riverfront, that’s sort’a for the sleaze balls. They got video booths where you can get 10 minutes for a dollar or something like that. We get a lot of couples that come in to look at the toys. One night a couple came in and the girl was stick thin, like I could see her bones. They picked up the biggest dildo I have ever seen in my life. I mean the thing is like 14 inches long and as big around as a softball. It was translucent red. It had veins and was penis shaped, but not human. It was the size of her leg. The guy leaned in and said ‘We’ll get this in by morning.’ And I’m like, ‘Oh, you might kill her.’ People ask odd things, like I was asked to be in a porn once. I was like, ‘Looking at you I don’t want to see the women you hang out with.’ Other than that it’s people that are genuinely curious about improving their sex life or improving their masturbation or what movies are coming out.

I think it can be. There are sexual addicts… pornographic addicts. I think the situation comes from, and this is just my pseudo psychiatry here, but you know how people develop crushes on movie stars? Well you develop a crush on a porn star and you get to watch them have sex. For example Marisa Tomei, she hadn’t done a nude scene in her whole career until recently. When that happened I was like, ‘Oh my God, my dreams have come true. I’ve wanted this for years.’ But you know with porn stars, that’s what they do. I can easily see how you would get addicted to them. I fall in love with porn stars everyday, and I think it’s cuz I feel bad for them. Not that I disagree with what they are doing, but it’s just, you know, I want to hug’em. They don’t get hugged in the movies.

I rent the classics, the 70’s porns, because for me staring at all these fake boobs, fake assess, fake lips, fake everything: total boner kill. Some of those girls are scary looking with all the plastic surgery. Technically they are the perfect women but they are just so fake. You know in 70’s porn, those girls were real. They weren’t dolling themselves up to be porn stars, they were just very attractive women. Their boobs sagged a little and it was kind of hot. But I have seen people that are very addicted.

They can rent as many as they want. It’s just like Blockbuster, same thing. I’ve gotten to know a lot of movies from just walking around. Pornographic movies have gotten very specific in the past ten, fifteen years. If you want a specific kind of porn we have it. Guys will come in and that’s all they’ll rent, like Asian girls with big boobs taking it in the ass. That will be the title of the movie. That’ll be the only type of porn they’ll rent. They’ll get like four movies at four hours long, and I’ve always thought ‘You’re renting porn, do you want to see the same image for sixteen hours?’ But they just love that image so much that they will keep renting the same thing over, in a constant cycle. We don’t ask a lot of questions, but you can kind of tell when someone loves a certain thing.

You know I haven’t thought about that. As a quick answer, no, because I have always thought of women as the most beautiful thing in the world. You know, I look at it as porn stars as doing a job. I haven’t had an emotional response yet. It’s just work. When you work there for eight hours, twice a week, and that is all you see, you realize how fake it is and how dolled up it is. You realize how not feasible so much of it is. In porn, a guy walks into a room and they just start doing it, and that doesn’t happen even when you’re married. It’s so set up, it’s so fake. It’s like… if you worked at Wal-mart in the fake Christmas tree isle, does that change your appreciation of a real Christmas tree? A fake Christmas tree is a fake Christmas tree, you always know it will be, but when you get the real thing, the smell, and the lopsidedness of it, it is beautiful because it’s real.

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