Thursday, November 14, 2013

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Most Memorable Lines From My Wife


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No. No. My last name is Ven-e-ma. It’s like combining venom with enema (said during our introduction).

Aren’t you getting a little big for concerts?

I can’t recall why I was in a good mood that day, but I doubt it had anything to do with sex.

I am going to kill the kids…

Ughh… you are worse than your father (said after my six-year-old son farted on her lap).

Why are you eating ice cream right out of the carton? Did someone dump you?

I swear this baby is making me sneeze more. And sometimes when I sneeze, I pee my pants a little.

I want you to think about what I would do before you do anything. That way you will make the right decision (said before leaving the house for a few days).

I’m cutting you off! (no explanation needed).

You would also enjoy, Ugh… My wife is a vegetarian! (Why does my husband eat so much meat?) Part I.


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Clint Edwards is a tutor coordinator at Oregon State University. He is also the former co-host of the Weekly Reader on KMSU and a graduate of the MFA program at Minnesota State University. His writing has been listed as notable by Best American Essays, and has been published in The Baltimore Review, and through The University of North Dakota, Boston College, Emerson College, The University of South Carolina, and Minnesota State University. 

2 comments:

Barrie Evans said...

I just want to go on record saying, "I am a man. I am Mystery."

Clint said...

Barrie: Noted!