Friday, December 27, 2013

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10 Crazy Things Said When Up With Kids

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There is something crazed and stressful about getting up in the night with children, and Mel and I tend to say angry, spiteful, and sometimes crazy things when sleep deprived. Both of us realize that what we are saying is drafted somewhere between dream and reality, and not representative of our regular feelings towards each other or the kids. Therefore, we decided early in our marriage to not hold grudges because of what was said in the night. Below are a few examples.

It’s your turn. I was just up for an hour listening to Norah cry and your stupid snoring. You sound like you’re dying.

If you slam one more door I’m going to take all the doors off the hinges and shove them up your butt.

Turn off the bathroom light! You don’t need light to pee! I pee in the dark all the time.

I left Norah’s wet pull-up in her bed. Or maybe I put it in the laundry. I don’t know… I’m too tired. Will you figure it out?

I don’t know where Bun-Bun is and I don’t care. Go to sleep. I’ve been up for over an hour with you. If you don’t go to sleep, I’m going to find Bun-Bun and light him on fire.

I don’t know if there’s a trailer or something, but the pee is everywhere.

He won’t sleep because his bum burns. It’s probably because of his diaper rash. Can we just pack it with ice… or something?

Tristan, I love you, but if you don’t go to sleep, I might die. Is that what you want? For me to die, because I feel like I’m dying. Do you even care?

Stop screaming! It’s making my head explode.

Thanks for getting up with her. It makes me want you. I’m too tired, but I wanted you to know about it. 

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Clint Edwards is a tutor coordinator at Oregon State University. He is also the former co-host of the Weekly Reader on KMSU and a graduate of the MFA program at Minnesota State University. His writing has been listed as notable by Best American Essays, and has been published in The Baltimore Review, and through The University of North Dakota, Boston College, Emerson College, The University of South Carolina, and Minnesota State University. 


Skyler Manning said...

Bwahahaha, love it!

Clint said...

You are welcome!

Mrs_Snelly said...

I don't know if I've ever actually said it to my husband, but the last comment is especially true. Maybe I should actually vocalize that thought next time... "Too tired" is all relative anyway right? ;)

Clint said...

I have to assume that he would appreciate it said out loud.