Friday, January 3, 2014

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What I Hate About Being A Husband

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I hate when my wife’s face is white and her eyes red because she’s angry at me for saying something asinine, and I can’t do anything to make her feel better, so I wash the dishes and fold the laundry and try to keep the kids occupied.

I hate when I try to snuggle with my wife on a cold night and she pushes me away because she cannot sleep with the weight of my arm on top of her.

I hate that my wife will not kiss me when I’m sick.

I hate the fact that I don’t understand why my wife is attracted to me.

I hate when I desperately want to tell my wife why I’m angry, but the tightness in my stomach keeps me from putting the words in the right order, so I don’t say anything.

I hate when I can see my wife from a distance (at the mall or the grocery store) and notice that another man is checking her out, and realize that, for legal reasons, I cannot beat that other man’s ass.

I hate that I still find other women attractive.

I hate feeling helpless when our furnace is broken during a November cold snap and I cannot fix it myself, or afford to get it fixed in a timely manner, so it is freezing in our house for over a week, and all I can think about at work is my pregnant wife struggling to stay warm.

I hate being turned down.

I hate nights where I dream that my wife has left me, so I sit up for a few hours realizing that I can’t keep a budget, cook worth a damn, decorate a home, grow a garden, manage my emotions, sleep alone, or organize anything from my files to my dresser. I would be lost without her. 

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You would also enjoy, What I Hate About Being a Dad.

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Clint Edwards is a tutor coordinator at Oregon State University. He is also the former co-host of the Weekly Reader on KMSU and a graduate of the MFA program at Minnesota State University. His writing has been listed as notable by Best American Essays, and has been published in The Baltimore Review, and through The University of North Dakota, Boston College, Emerson College, The University of South Carolina, and Minnesota State University.