Monday, September 1, 2014

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Crazy Things Said When Kids Barge Into The Restroom



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I don’t know what it is with my young children and barging into the restroom, but some days it seems like I can’t get a moment of peace. If I lock the door, they stick their fingers under it. Or they take the fact that I locked the door personally, and start crying. I go shopping, and I have to take them in the stall with me because if I don’t, then I’m a neglectful parent. And yet, I’m forcing them to watch me do my business, which is probably damaging them in ways I can only imagine. I’ve said some crazy things to my kids while trying to use the restroom in their company. Here are a few examples.

Stop laughing. I don’t see how this is funny. Do I laugh when you take a wiz? It’s rude.

Yes, I can see your fingers under the door. If you don’t stop distracting me, I swear, I am going to cut them off.

I can’t go with you watching.

What makes you think that barging in here while I’m going potty is going to make me want to give you a Popsicle?

I locked the door. Stop crying! This doesn’t mean I don’t like you. It just means I want to pee alone.

No! You can’t touch it. Why would you even ask that question?

Face the wall.

The deal is one dollar. Daddy doesn’t feel very good, and having you in here is only making it worse. If you want the dollar, then you have to leave.

No. You can’t help. I got this.

Why don’t you make yourself useful? Run and get daddy some Pepto.

What are some of the crazy things you’ve said when your kids barge into the restroom?

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Clint Edwards was blessed with a charming and spitfire wife, a video game obsessed little boy, a snarky little girl in a Cinderella play dress, and an angry baby girl. When Clint was 9-years-old his father left. With no example of fatherhood, he had to learn how to be a father and husband through trial and error. His work has been featured in Good Morning America, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, The Good Men Project, Fast Company, and elsewhere. He lives in Oregon. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter