Sunday, September 14, 2014

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Lame Arguments I've Had With My Kids



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My kids argue with Mel andme about everything: eating anything other than Mac & Cheese, taking a bath, changing their underwear, getting undressed, not getting undressed, peeing on trees… Most of their arguments are clever, but not logically sound. Here are a few of the lame ones I’ve heard over the years.

Parent: Stop screwing around and pick up your toys.
Kid: Stop making me do stuff. It’s making me cry. Don’t you want me to like you?

Parent: Candy is bad for you.
Kid: Well… this candy is healthy. It’s shaped like fruit.

Parent: Your underwear smells like death. Go change it.
Kid: I think it smells good. Like hotdogs!

Parent: Did you read for 30 minutes today?
Kid: I read when I played Pokémon. That counts.

Parent: No. You don’t get dessert. You didn’t eat enough dinner.
Kid: Let’s do it just this once. We won’t tell mom. It’ll be fun!

Parent: Brush your teeth or they are going to fall out.
Kid: I want them to fall out. The tooth fairy will give me money. If I lose all my teeth I could probably buy an iPad.

Parent: Poptarts are bad for you.
Kid: Poptarts have fruit in them. Fruit is good.

Parent: Spit it out! I don’t want to dig through your turds if you swallow it.
Kid 1 (Watching): That would be so funny. Swallow it!
Kid 2 (Coin in mouth. Smiling)

Parent: Be quiet. You are going to wake the baby.
Kid: We need to make her strong.

Parent: You need to throw those shorts away. There is a hole in the crotch.
Kid: No! They are my favorite shorts. They keep pee pee cool.

What are some of the lame arguments you’ve had with your kids?

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Clint Edwards was blessed with a charming and spitfire wife, a video game obsessed little boy, a snarky little girl in a Cinderella play dress, and an angry baby girl. When Clint was 9-years-old his father left. With no example of fatherhood, he had to learn how to be a father and husband through trial and error. His work has been featured in Good Morning America, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, The Good Men Project, Fast Company, and elsewhere. He lives in Oregon. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter