Tuesday, October 14, 2014

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Quotes From My Daughter That Scare The Crap Out Of Me

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Norah, my oldest daughter, is 5 going on 16. Raising a little girl has been a real learning experience for me. I never thought that I would be one of those overly protective dads, but somehow I can feel that starting to happen. The thing is, I love the hell out of Norah. I want the best for her. Sometimes she says things that really scare me. Things that make me worried about her life as a teen and beyond. Here are a few examples.

Norah: My face paint is so pretty. All the boys are going to be like, "I want to marry you!"
Me (filled with rage): Let's have a quiet time.

Norah: When I’m older, like 16, I’m going to have a million babies.
Me: How do you feel about an all-girl high school?

Norah: You don’t talk to a princess like that!
Me: I work in education and we live in a dried-up logging town. We’re not royalty. Sorry. But I still love you.

Norah: All the boys at school are my boyfriends!
Me: Wait… you mean they are boys that happen to be your friends.
Norah: No! I love all of them.

Norah: That mom’s shoes are really pretty!
Me: Those are Crocks. Let’s talk about standards.

Norah (speaking to boy at playground): I won’t play with you unless you come sleep in my bed!
Me: Time to leave.

Norah: Someday, when I get married, my husband is going to have a really nice car and we are going to live in it!
Me: Let’s talk about the importance of college.

Norah: That guy’s shirt has a pretty tree on it.
Me: That’s a pot leaf.
Norah: What’s that?
Me: We’ll talk about it later.

Norah: Tomorrow I’m going to go to school naked! And all the boys will be like, “Ha! Ha! Ha!”
Me: (Speechless)

Norah: I love you daddy. Can I just live with you forever?
Me (long exhale): That sounds OK. 


Click here to back my hilarious essay collection, "This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things." 

 

 



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1 comments:

Kelli Ni'Cole Korbel said...

She sounds like a spitfire for sure! Have fun!