Monday, October 20, 2014

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Stupid Things I’ve Done To Impress My Kids


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It’s funny how my kids can motivate me to make bad decisions. I have three children: Tristan (age 7), Norah (age 5) and Aspen (5 months). I want them to think I’m Superman so badly that any chance I can get to impress them seems worth it. All of it reminds me of the peer pressure I got in high school. It always starts with a challenge, and ends with joint pain, or diarrhea. Below are a few examples.

Lift Heavy Things Over My Head: In the past few years my children have challenged me to lift many things over my head: bicycle, wood, sod, water bucket, TV, char, tire, Costco bulk items… you get the idea. Most of the time I can do it. But every once in a while I have to get out the hot pad and Tylenol.

Eat A Block of Cheese: Norah once asked me if I could eat a whole block of cheddar. I accepted her challenge. She totally lost interest half way through, but I felt compelled to finish what I started. I’m not lactose intolerant, but what I will say is that for the next 24 hours I deeply sympathize with people suffering from the ailment.

Back Flip: I was on my sister’s trampoline when Tristan asked if I could pull off a backflip. I didn’t exactly land on my head. More on my neck and shoulders. I’m not sure if I impressed him or not.

Climb A Fence: I once climbed over our back fence (5-feet) to get Tristan’s soccer ball.  Half way over, Tristan said, “I can’t believe you can still do that!” I tried not to focus on the phrase “still do that” and rather on the excitement in his voice. Coming down on the other side, I sprained my ankle.

Ride A Wheelie: I was in the driveway when I tried to put my mountain bike up on one wheel at the insistence of my son. I’d done it a million times in junior high, and I think that really brings me to the crux of my problem with impressing my kids. Although I am in my 30s, in my head, I’m still a teenage boy. I will admit that I did successfully ride the bike on one wheel for about five feet; however, I suffered from serious lower back pain for the next several days.

Slam Dunk a Basketball: This was just sad. I’m short enough to live in a tree and make fudge. Let’s not talk about it.

Eat A Pound of Bacon: We went to this small café that was very generous with the bacon. More or less, they gave me a whole plate. I’m not sure if it was a whole pound, but it must have been close. Much like the block of cheese, I accepted a challenge from my children. Which I successful completed! Then we went to the botanical gardens. Mel had to leave me at the visitor center restroom.

Drink A Gallon Of Milk: I’m sure you can guess how this ended.

Jump Off A Waterfall: Tristan, Norah, and I were exploring a waterfall with a swimming hole at the bottom. It was about 25 feet tall. I climbed to the top as Tristan and Norah watched from below. The second I reached the top, both kids cried, “Jump! Jump!” I’d never felt more pressure to do something stupid. I know I should’ve been a better example. I should have used it as an opportunity to teach about wilderness safety. Instead, I jumped. When I think back on this moment, I realize that it was a really bad decision. But that icky feeling was completely overshadowed by the rush of pride I felt when I popped my head above water and heard my kids cheer my name.

What are a few of the stupid things you’ve done to impress your kids?

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Veronica Douglas said...

I understand this dilemma. Nothing makes me feel more awesome than catching one of my kids "bragging" about me. Sure most of it is stuff that would only impress the under 10 crowd but still I can't help but feel like supermom.

Mildred E. Benn said...

Bouncing on a trampoline is a great exercise. If you’re going to buy a trampoline, make sure that it’s safe and that you can use it for a good amount of time. Buying a poorly made trampoline is not only frustrating it can also be dangerous. best trampoline reviews