Sunday, November 9, 2014

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Lame Things My Kids Say To Get Out Of Trying New Food


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If it were up to my kids, they would eat only mac-n-cheese and dinosaur-shaped meat. They would also eat Lucky Charms, although I don’t really count that because they only eat the marshmallows. We present them with food options. They always argue, and frankly, their arguments are lame. Here are a few examples.

Eric ate a soft taco once and he said it tasted like garbage. Are you trying to make us eat garbage?

That looks like poo. I don’t eat poo.

If you make me eat that then I am going to cry. Do you want me to cry?

Fish makes my pee smell like fish. You should take me to the doctor.

If you make me eat that I will bite you (makes chomping sound with teeth).

I (gagging) can’t (gagging) eat that (gagging)!

Stop lying! Pokémon trainers don’t eat fried chicken.

I will only eat that if you give me $100. Or a pack of Bubble-Yum.

I can make my own dinner. It’s easy. (Opens fridge. Pulls out string cheese.) See.

If you make me eat that, then I will never, ever, talk to you again (folds arms).

Mom’s food makes me so mad!

I don’t want hair on my chest. I want Skylanders Swap Force.

When you make me eat things I don’t like I get mad. And then I get sad. And then I get sad and mad. You need’a love me more.

What are some of your kids’ lame arguments to get out of trying new things?

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Clint Edwards was blessed with a charming and spitfire wife, a video game obsessed little boy, a snarky little girl in a Cinderella play dress, and an angry baby girl. When Clint was 9-years-old his father left. With no example of fatherhood, he had to learn how to be a father and husband through trial and error. His work has been featured in Good Morning America, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, The Good Men Project, Fast Company, and elsewhere. He lives in Oregon. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter