Sunday, December 21, 2014

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8 backhanded parenting phrases and what they really mean



 

 

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Parents use a lot of backhanded phrases as a passive-aggressive way to keep things nice and surface level. On the whole, I see myself as an overall nice guy. However, I am often described as blunt. If someone's kids are driving me nuts, I will say, “Your kids are driving me nuts.” The first time someone said, “Your son is a little ball of energy… isn’t he?” as a way to say, “Your son is destroying my house,” I assumed it was a complement. I was wrong. Now that I’ve been a parent for a few years, I’ve started to translate some of these phrases. Here are a few common backhanded parenting phrases and what they really mean.


“Children will repeat anything, won’t they?”

Translation:

“Your child just told me that you think I’m an asshole.”


“We don’t do that in our house.”

Translation:

“I’m not sure what rules you have, but we tend to frown on playing in the toilet.”


“Sharing is really hard at this age.”

Translation:

“I spent good money on that and if your son breaks it, I’m going to break you.”


“Your daughter has a real sense of humor.”

Translation:

“Please tell your child to stop talking before I gag her.”


“How’s the potty training going?”

Translation:

“Your child has a serious code brown and now my house smells like poo.”


He knows what he likes, doesn't he?

Translation:

“Your child is a demanding turd.”


“Poor thing was up all night? You two should get some rest.”

Translation:

“You brought a sick child to my house and now my kids will have diarrhea. Thanks.”


“Yeah, my kids pull that same crap. I think all kids do.”

Translation:

“Yeah, my kids pull that same crap. I think all kids do.”


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Clint Edwards was blessed with a charming and spitfire wife, a video game obsessed little boy, a snarky little girl in a Cinderella play dress, and an angry baby girl. When Clint was 9-years-old his father left. With no example of fatherhood, he had to learn how to be a father and husband through trial and error. His work has been featured in Good Morning America, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, The Good Men Project, Fast Company, and elsewhere. He lives in Oregon. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter


1 comments:

Sarah said...

In a similar vein, if someone says that your baby is "precious" it is code for ugly.