Mel and I have been married for 10 years. We’ve moved past the whole, “You are the best thing that happened to me” phase, to the “I’m going to tell you how I really feel” phase. But honestly, there is a lot of love in that phase of marriage, and it can be seen in the way we speak to each other. Here are a few examples.
Mel: I slept three hours last.
Me: Even with such little beauty sleep, you are still ravishing.
Mel: (rolls eyes)
Me: Fine. I’m never complimenting you again. You’ve aged horribly and you smell like morning breath.
Mel: Kiss me.
Mel: Thanks for getting up with the baby. It makes me want you. I’m too tired, but I thought you should know.
Mel: Those pants are too tight.
Me: Can you see my junk?
Me: Is that a problem?
Me: I respect your honesty.
Me: Do I look like a dork driving a minivan?
Mel: Yes. It’s adorkable.
Me: You won’t like me when I’m angry, I could crack at any moment.
Mel: Bring it.
(Children attack dad)
Mel: I’ve got protection.
Me: Out of toilet paper in here. Can you hand me a roll?
Wife: This is love. I hope you know that.
Me: I brought you flowers, you know, just because.
Mel: My period started today.
Me: Can I get a rain check… or something?
Mel: I wish you’d go to the doctor about your snoring.
Me: Can you love me if I snore forever? Will our marriage last this sort of thing?
Mel: Why are you so complicated?
Me: Because I don’t want to go to the doctor.
Mel: But you will because you love me.
Me: I saved you the last Oreo.
Mel: You are so sexy right now.
Mel: While you were out of town I couldn’t sleep because the bed was too big.
Me: I slept fine. Does that mean you love me more than I love you?
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Clint Edwards was blessed with a charming and spitfire wife, a video game obsessed little boy, a snarky little girl in a Cinderella play dress, and an angry baby girl. When Clint was 9-years-old his father left. With no example of fatherhood, he had to learn how to be a father and husband through trial and error. His work has been featured in Good Morning America, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, The Good Men Project, Fast Company, and elsewhere. He lives in Oregon. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.