Wednesday, April 8, 2015

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10 Crazy things said when sick and watching kids


Photo by Ryan Hyde
The sad thing about being a parent is, even if you are puking, running a fever, feeling like death, you still have to take care of your kids. There really are no days off. I have three kids, and I’ve been a father for 8 years. During that time I have been sick about a million times while caring for my children. And the sad thing is, my parenting standards go way down. I’ve said some crazy things to get the kids to leave me alone so I can just sit on the sofa and keep from throwing up.

Here are a few examples. 

Just put it in the microwave and push some buttons. It’ll get warm.

You eat food off the floor all the time. You can do it again.

I don’t know where the baby is, but she's crying, so she isn’t dead.

Even a five-year-old can figure out the plunger. 

If you ask me to make fish sticks one more time I’m going to die. Do you want daddy to die?

I don’t know where Bun-Bun is, but if you stop asking for him I’ll give you the password to my cellphone.

There is a bag of Doritos on the bottom shelf. Just eat that for dinner.

If he steals your doll again, hit him. I’m too sick to deal with this.

Stop watching me poop!

If you stop asking me for that I will give you ten dollars.

What are some of the crazy things you have said while caring for sick kids?

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Clint Edwards was blessed with a charming and spitfire wife, a video game obsessed little boy, a snarky little girl in a Cinderella play dress, and an angry baby girl. When Clint was 9-years-old his father left. With no example of fatherhood, he had to learn how to be a father and husband through trial and error. His work has been featured in Good Morning America, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, The Good Men Project, Fast Company, and elsewhere. He lives in Oregon. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.