Friday, May 22, 2015

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15 signs that you are a father

Having a child is really only one sign that you’ve become a father. Few things have as many milestones as fatherhood. Just in case you are not sure if you’re a father yet, here are a few signifiers.

You know you are a father when,

1.     20 to 30% of your diet consists of uneaten bread crust.

2.     You stop asking why things are wet.

3.     The most common question from your mouth is, “Why is this on the floor?”

4.     Sleep becomes more important than sex.

5.     You long for the day that you can lounge on the sofa without the fear of a small child stomping on your crotch.

6.     The thought of a child riding you like a horse sounds sweet rather than degrading.

7.     A dream vacation means being home alone with a pizza and the TV.

8.     You begin saying things like, “Walk it off…”

9.     Getting off the sofa for a Band-Aid requires an explanation of what happened and an examination of the wound.

10. Letting the heat out sends you into a red-faced rage.

11. You accidently watch My Little Pony for an hour after the kids went to bed.

12. You accept the fact that you no longer pee alone.

13. Silent children make you more suspicious than loud children.

14. You feel as satisfied by a basket of folded laundry as you do a well running vehicle.

15. You find yourself alone, commuting to work, and singing “Let It Go.”

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Clint Edwards was blessed with a charming and spitfire wife, a video game obsessed little boy, a snarky little girl in a Cinderella play dress, and an angry baby girl. When Clint was 9-years-old his father left. With no example of fatherhood, he had to learn how to be a father and husband through trial and error. His work has been featured in Good Morning America, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, The Good Men Project, Fast Company, and elsewhere. He lives in Oregon. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter.