Thursday, May 21, 2015

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Strange questions I’ve asked my wife after watching popular movies

Mel and I have been married for over 10 years. We have this game. I will ask her a hypothetical situation based on a movie I recently saw as a means to understand the depth of our love. She always answers in frank, hilarious, and eye opening ways. Here are a few examples.

Robocop (2014):

Me: Let’s say, hypothetically, that I was a police officer targeted by drug dealers with a car bomb. The government turned me into a cyborg, which saved my life, but it also made me mostly metal, all but one hand and my face, and allowed them to control my brain. Would you still love me?

Mel: If it means you would be better at fixing things, the car for example, then I would probably love you more.


Me: Let’s say, hypothetically, that I was an older than average amateur boxer. Through a publicity stunt, I ended up having the chance to fight the world heavy weight champion. I gave it my all in the fight, but lost. Would you still love me?

Mel: If it means you are spending more time in the gym, then I’m all about it.

The Notebook:

Me: Let’s say, hypothetically, that I was in a rest home with Alzheimer’s disease. Would you show up every day and tell me the story of our love so you could see the old me for just a few moments.

Mel: Aren’t you supposed to do that for me?

Me: Just answer the question.

Mel: Yes. But not everyday. I’ll have things to do.

Die Hard (the series)

Me: Let’s say, hypothetically, that I was a police officer with a bad mouth and temper. Every few years I find myself in an extreme hostage situation where I have to find creative ways to kill multiple terrorists. It’s a fluke, really, but I’m good at it and I always end up being the hero. In fact, sometimes I even save your life. By the end I’m a sweaty bleeding mess. Would you still love me?

Mel: Do you look good without a shirt on?

Me: Meah.

Mel: That might be too stressful.


Me: Let’s say, hypothetically, that you were a princess and I was a homeless thief with a pet monkey. One day I found a lamp with a genie inside, and I used his magical powers to trick you into thinking that I was actually a sultan with a pet monkey. Would you still be able to love me after you found out.

Mel: When you put it that way, Aladdin sounds like a player. So… probably not.

Cast Away:

Me: Let’s say, hypothetically, that I was in a plane crash and ended up getting stuck on a tropical island. I wasn’t found for years and ended up making friends with a volleyball. You gave up hope, and found another man. But then, they found me. Would you blow off that other dude?

Mel: Yes. Unless the other guy doesn’t snore. That would make the choice difficult.

 The Saw:

Me: Let’s say, hypothetically, that a madman kidnapped me and put a reverse bear trap on my face for the sake of a sick game. But I didn’t win the game, and the trap went off, and now I don’t have a lower jaw. Would you still love me?

Mel: Yes. But there is something wrong with you.

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Clint Edwards was blessed with a charming and spitfire wife, a video game obsessed little boy, a snarky little girl in a Cinderella play dress, and an angry baby girl. When Clint was 9-years-old his father left. With no example of fatherhood, he had to learn how to be a father and husband through trial and error. His work has been featured in Good Morning America, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, The Good Men Project, Fast Company, and elsewhere. He lives in Oregon. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter.