Tuesday, June 2, 2015

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10 Things my kids say that make me scared for their teen years

I’ve been thinking a lot about my kid’s teen years lately.  I have three children. The one year old, Aspen, she doesn’t say much. But the older two, Norah (5) and Tristan (8) show these little glimpses of what I have in store for me when they become hormonal, bratty teens. Here are a few examples of what I’m talking about.

Son: Once we get into the school, don’t hold my hand or talk to me.

Daughter: All the boys at school are my boyfriends! I just love them all!

Me: Honestly, what would you do all day if you stopped going to school?
Son: I’d watched YouTube. And play games. And make videos of myself playing games and post it on YouTube. Can I quit school now?

Daughter: Sometimes I just look at a boy and think, “You are just so cute!! I want you to sleep in my bed!”

Son: I hate cleaning. And I hate yard work. I just hate doing stuff. I’m going to lie down.

Daughter: Well! You need to learn that when I say things they are always right!

Son:  You’re doing it wrong! I’ve made 7 pancakes. I know a lot about pancakes.

Me: Those shorts don’t fit anymore. I can see your butt crack. Go change.
Daughter: I’m never speaking to you again unless you let me wear these shorts to the store! Ever, ever, again (slams bedroom door)!

Son: Speed limits are not that big of a deal. Just drive faster.

Daughter: I just love you daddy. Can I live with you forever?
Me: Sure.
Daughter: Ok. But my boyfriends are going to have to live here, too. And my babies. I just love them!

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Clint Edwards was blessed with a charming and spitfire wife, a video game obsessed little boy, a snarky little girl in a Cinderella play dress, and an angry baby girl. When Clint was 9-years-old his father left. With no example of fatherhood, he had to learn how to be a father and husband through trial and error. His work has been featured in Good Morning America, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, The Good Men Project, Fast Company, and elsewhere. He lives in Oregon. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.     


From Mary's Pen said...

Be afraid. Be very affraid.